There is no such thing as white chocolate

Some of you (the occasional 3 readers) may have figured out that now and again I write a review for Chocablog.

This has, perhaps naturally, led to questions from colleagues at work – the most contentious being “What do you think of white chocolate?”

Work colleagues can stop reading now – you know the answer, having seen the fits of apoplexy into which the subject makes me descend.

My feelings can be summed up very similarly to Kath, who in her recent TV interview on Today Tonight, remarked “Oh no, it offends me”.

Seeing that, and the lunch table conversations of the last few weeks prompted the desire to write a rant.

Offends, yes. Not only is it horrible, but it’s a cunning marketing ploy to get rid of a waste product – being the excess cocoa butter used in the manufacture of proper chocolate or cocoa powder. Have to do something with that junk that’s left. Animal feed? I know! People feed. Let’s find a good name!

Calling this stuff chocolate at all should be illegal. It is not chocolate, it is a mixture of sugar, cocoa butter, and perhaps some milk or milk solids. In other words, it’s FAT and SUGAR, with a bit of white stuff.

Just like Carob is not Chocolate, nor is that white crap chocolate either.

Please, please, stop offending our senses using this clearly wrong name. Calling that muck chocolate amounts to misleading and deceptive conduct. Something the trade practices act does not allow. Grr!

And don’t even mention Top Deck and other such confections used as a means to move more of this muck. Yuk.

4 Comments

But white chocolate is yummy. Num, num, num.

Comment by Darren | April 5th, 2009 9:11 am | Permalink

I have a block of that white “chocolate” in my fridge. I’m wondering, if I melt it and stir in melted dark chocolate, would I then have milk chocolate? I’m going to try it, but only with half the block, I’m going to eat the rest as is.

Comment by river | April 5th, 2009 6:52 pm | Permalink

No, you won’t get milk chocolate. Its a bit like this:

http://headrush.typepad.com/photos/uncategorized/pleasingeveryone_1.jpg

You will get mud.

And don’t eat the remaining white muck. Go flush it down the toilet and give it a decent burial.

Comment by Wally | April 5th, 2009 8:24 pm | Permalink

You should turn this one into a Chocablog article, under the heading of ‘Serious Education’ !

Comment by Kath Lockett | April 7th, 2009 9:07 am | Permalink

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