You’ll love @#$^@#

No I damn well won’t.

T’other half went to a Coles supermarket the other day (somewhere we don’t normally go… when you own a few Woolworths shares bought in 1989, you shop at woolies… what goes around, comes around).

ANYHOW… suddenly there have appeared on the kitchen bench a few bottles of ¬†You’ll Love Coles WATER.

Buying bottled water at the best of times makes makes my blood boil. Bottled water might be Ok in a country where the tap water is bad, in Australia it is just a sign of excessive affluence. In Adelaide, maybe there is a vague excuse, the tap water DOES taste like crap. (Seeing as it comes from the Murray, and IS the effluent discharged by NSW and Victoria, and every country town along the way, this is hardly surprising.) But even in Adelaide, the tap water tastes a whole lot better if you fill a jug and let it stand 24 hours.

Anyhow, the rest of the family had been out walking and must have needed a drink. Normally, we’d buy a bottle of anything maybe a couple of times a year, keep the bottle and refill it from the rainwater tank. So they must have been caught short and had to buy some. Sigh.

ANYHOW… looking at the bottles, I’m struck by 2 things.

The first is the picture of “Elysha” who supposedly drinks 2 litres per day. Presumably of “You’ll love Coles” water. Clearly Elysha is a dimwit and pillock, firstly for a bizarrely spelled name, and secondly for spending 1/2 a kings ransom on Coles Bottled Water! Gag. Some marketing type should be shot for that.

And the second is that I would never, ever, knowingly buy anything branded “You’ll Love Coles”. I know it might be the house brand. But its naff. How condescending. How positively gag-retch-chuck making. “You’ll Love Coles” screams B.. O.. G..A..N.. from a thousand paces. Blerk. No wonder Coles have been struggling for years if this is the best they can do. For that one as well, some marketing type should be shot.

I won’t love Coles. Ever. And telling me I will makes me more determined than ever not to. Sod Off.

4 Comments

I LOVE this post. It sounds like you are channelling my inner angst! (With the obvious objection that channelling implies that I am dead (and that if you ARE dead you can be channelled))

Anyhow – keep up the good fight. I use rainwater in everything and my coffee machine and kettle only need to be descaled once a year (if that). So there is another good reason to use rainwater. (Take that Canberra!)

Comment by Jack | January 14th, 2009 7:02 am | Permalink

It’s not just the branded water that gives me the pip, it’s the Coles Woolworths duopoly and the fact that both are depleting brands I like from their shelves and replacing them with their own. Tap water’s good enough for me!

Comment by Baino | January 15th, 2009 7:40 am | Permalink

GREAT post Wally. I always thought that the slogan ‘You’ll LOVE Coles’ was an order, as in ‘You WILL buy this stupid bottle of overpriced water or else.’ I’ll admit to buying a bottle every six months or so, but then I use it and reuse it until it gets embarrassingly manky and not even Love Chunks wants to share it with me.

Comment by Kath Lockett | January 16th, 2009 4:25 pm | Permalink

I avoid buying ANYTHING labelled “You’ll Love Coles”. Because I work there, and I DON’T love it.

Comment by river | March 3rd, 2009 7:32 pm | Permalink

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