The Time Has Come (the Walrus said) Archives

Fixed tha Fitba!

Over dinner, I came up with a way to fix those English football scores. You know the stuff:

Today’s football results. Manchester United defeated Leeds 1 nil. Arsenal drew Aston Villa nill all.

Of course, included in this is all soccer, rugby in it’s various forms… all those boring games.

A few changes to make the game have a faster pace and a higher score should make it far more interesting.

We can start with that round ball. Far too predictable. It needs to go. An oval shaped ball would bounce in all kinds of strange directions – so change to one of those.

Next we need to get rid of all that bum sniffing. It’s just gross.

Then, allow the ball to carried as well as kicked, and require it to be kicked to score a goal. High is good, so like American football, some really tall goal posts are called for.

Because accuracy can be a problem, whilst the goal is a fine idea, you need some kind of encouragement for getting close. So allow the region either side to earn some reward, just not as much as a goal. Let’s call this a “point”. A goal should be worth quite a bit more – say 6 or 7 points.

Using the head is dangerous, there are enough lessons in that from boxers who have had their brains shaked a few too many times, so bouncing balls off heads is out on OH&S grounds. We will instead allow a hand-pass of the ball from player to player. To make the game faster, this can only be done while a player is running.

That should make things far more interesting. Perhaps we can call it “World Series Football”.

Oh… whats that? It’s been done? It’s called Australian Rules?! Damn!

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